Here’s some stuff i would say to myself when Cindy and I got married. I.e., when we started our household. The following might seem like I’m trying to look like a present day angel. I’m not. Let’s just call it “aspirational”.

So there’s this narrative of the invisible mental load in a household. Part of that narrative is that you’re not really helping by asking the mentally loaded person, “what do we need, or what do you want me to do?” Maybe one way to escape this is with one small bit of advice:

Do the groceries.

The idea is that once you do this one thing, you might just naturally taking on a bunch of knock-on tasks to make doing the groceries go smoothly. That’ll ultimately have you owning the whole “vertical slice” in the kitchen. “Vertical slice” is corporate for the sort of chain of tasks from the beginning of the process to the end. By owning all of it, there’s less problems with the handoffs (the person doing the dishes won’t resent the person making five pots dirty).

So here’s the bunch of hidden tasks that you may want to do, when you take on the groceries.

Keep track of inventory

How else are you going to know what groceries to get? I have an app (AnyList) that stores my grocery list. So when I notice we’re low on eggs, or someone says they want root beer instead of cream soda or when I put a box in the recycling, I just add it to the list and stop thinking about it.

Do the meal planning

How else are you going to know what groceries to get? I like to do it first thing Saturday morning. And then I get to pick what I want, (okay, with input from the family). And Fridays are take out. The meals with meat that may go bad are front-loaded to the beginning of the week etc.

I bought a magnetic white board for the front of the fridge. I used a Cricut for the labels out of permanent vinyl. I even have a spot for what people might want next week.

Check fliers for sales and deals.

How else are you going to know what groceries to get? This is a part I don’t do as well as I should. Cindy helps me out. There are apps (Flipp) for this as well.

Go to the store

Before I head out, I go through each item and add the ingredients to the grocery list app. Add the stuff we usually get, for drinks and breakfast and lunch. How else are you going to know what groceries to get?

At the store, during COVID (you don’t need to know what that is) they forced us to walk up and down the aisle in a set path. I still follow that path. Also I hate it when they change where they put the taco shells.

Fun tip! Bring a kid to help – bribe them with a candy from the checkout.

Put away

Ah, fridge Tetris. This is the part where you might notice some systems breaking down. “Why did I buy potatoes when we already have two bags downstairs?”
It also helps when the cook who needs the chicken broth at 5:30 doesn’t have to go looking for it because they are the one who put it away.

Speaking of cooks.

Cook

It’d be cruel to plan a meal that someone else can’t or doesn’t want to make – so it might just be easier to make a lot of those meals yourself. This means you’ll have to learn to cook, which is a lifelong project.

In theory, if you raised your kids right, they won’t complain about the way someone cooked the food they’re eating. But my kids still voice their thoughts. Sigh. Still, you can take some notes and try better next time.

While I’m giving out app recommendations: JustTheRecipe is an app that helps cut through all that annoying cruft that the recipe blog websites seem to accumulate.

Do the dishes

There’s no real reason the person who cooks should do the dishes too. In fact I like it when the kids help out with this part. But there is a certain efficiency to when the person doing the cooking is also doing the dishes. They can get started on the cutting board and some pots while the Jambalaya is simmering.

Okay, let me sum up

So that’s it for now young Dave, the goal isn’t to be a martyr or to win some award for best husband. The goal is mental peace. When things are going smoothly, I don’t need to ask for instructions, and Cindy ideally doesn’t have to give them. I get to eat what I want, she gets to close a few tabs in her brain.